Spirit of SoRo raises a racket at site of new luxury apartment

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Phoenix Ghostbusters has received several reports of paranormal activity in the area of the now-demolished buildings south of Roosevelt formerly known as “SoRo,” according to a spokesman.

Reports include alleged sounds of creaking and doors slamming coming from seemingly nowhere as well as incidents of vandalism at the new luxury apartments set to open on the property.

SoRo included businesses ranging from art galleries to print shops.

“I wouldn’t be surprised if the lots are haunted by the ghosts of the demolished businesses,” said paranormal activity expert Cordell D. Munn. “If someone demolished me to make room for some unnecessary luxury apartments, I’d have beef with them too.”

Residents have recently complained to Phoenix City Council’s Paranormal Activity Commission about the sounds of the alleged ghosts wailing.

“I can hardly sleep with all the noise at night,” said resident Peter Perspiration. “This is worse than when the FAA changed flight paths.”

Although the disturbances caused by the ghosts have prompted complaints from some residents, not everyone is opposed to the ghosts’ fixtures being heard.

Downtown Phoenix activist Gregory Oyle is leading the effort to allow the ghosts to make whatever noise they want, citing the First Amendment’s guarantee of freedom of speech.

“I’ve lived in downtown Phoenix for more than 50 years,” Oyle said in a Facebook comment on a Phoenix Diablo photo. “When I arrived, the population was less than 100,000. And I believe every single person or building, living or dead, in Phoenix deserves to have their voice heard.”

Oyle did not return calls for further comment.

Carisse Parsons, a Phoenix First Amendment attorney, said the constitutional right to freedom of speech does not necessarily apply to beings that are no longer alive.

“There isn’t much legal precedent to this, but I can say that constitutional rights are usually reserved for living human beings,” Parsons said. “The Constitution starts with ‘We the People,’ not ‘We the Ghosts.’ Also, buildings have literally never been given First Amendment protection.”

Oyle is pushing for the ghosts of SoRo to be appointed to the board of Downtown Phoenix Voices and the paranormal activity commission, arguing that dead or alive, they have the right to be considered downtown Phoenix residents.

Opponents say Oyle is being ridiculous and that ghosts of dead people do not even get appointed to commissions, so ghosts of demolished buildings shouldn’t either.

“If we let the ghost of every downtown demolished building or closed business join the commission, it would just be made up of ghosts,” Perspiration said.