The Phoenix Satanic Council debated Wednesday whether non-Satanist Phoenix City Council members should be able to give the Satanic sacrifice invocation at the beginning of every meeting.
Phoenix City Councilman Sal DiCiccio, a proud Christian, requested to give the invocation, but faced efforts from within the Satanic Council to block his request.
DiCiccio responded by threatening to sue the Satanic Council for religious discrimination.
The Phoenix Satanic Council chambers were filled with many concerned residents who were concerned and angry about the moment of silence, which, according to Wanda Baphomet, “forces their minority beliefs on the majority of good upstanding Satanists.”
Baphomet, a longtime Satanic resident of Phoenix, brought her children to the meeting to emphasize the importance of maintaining traditional Satanic family values. Weeping profusely, she pleaded with Satanic Council members to consider the implications of allowing an outsider to impose his radical views on the tight-knit, devout community.
Gordon Abaddon, the high priest of Satan’s holy temple in North Phoenix, brought many of his devoted followers to protest the non-Satanist sacrifice invocation.
“These people are the equivalent to terrorists. They corrupt our children and are the reason this country is in the place it is today,” Abaddon said.
Abaddon is also the former President of the Satanic Broadcasting Network, based in the seventh ring of hell. He has lobbied for years to fight the “ongoing oppression of the silent majority.”
“There is a war on Satanism in this country,” Abaddon said. “Pretty soon, you’re not gonna be able to put a pitchfork on your lawn during All Hallow’s Eve without the PC police calling you out for it.”
District 666 Satanic Councilwoman Mary Banshee proposed that all Satanic sacrifice invocations be replaced by a moment of silence.
District 13 Satanic Councilman Joseph Baal said he rebuked the council members who opposed DiCiccio’s request, and that they posed a danger to the very fabric of Satanic culture.
“These people are pure evil. Their only purpose in performing the sacrifice invocation is to mock our long-held, traditional beliefs, which this Satanic nation was founded on,” Baal said. “If we give them a moment of silence, they will surely slaughter us and drink the blood of our children.”
Baal said that any Satanic Council member who supported allowing DiCiccio the ability to give the invocation was just trying to push the Christian agenda.
“If we allow them to speak their blasphemous rhetoric now, what’s next?” Baal said. “I’ll tell you what’s next: They will start putting subliminal messaging in our children’s music and television.”
Not all residents were opposed to allowing the City Council members to speak, Styx Valley resident Amelia Abacus said.
“Don’t any of you realize that the first tenant of Satanism is that one should strive to act with compassion and empathy towards all creatures in accordance with reason?” Abacus said. “We are called to respect and love others; we should embrace our differences.”
Though most began booing, several members of the crowd cheered in support of Abacus.
“I’m sure that if the situation was flipped, Mr. Diciccio would surely support us giving prayer invocations at their City Council meetings,” Abacus said.
