Tag Archives: ghost

Investigation shows that Mayor Stanton was a ghost the whole time

ghoststanton_fadepost

An analysis of archival footage from Greg Stanton’s various public appearances and press events suggests that the mayor of Phoenix has been a ghost all along.

A collaboration between the Phoenix Diablo and the Paranormal Center for Investigative Reporting looked at 107 minutes of footage to reach this conclusion.

“Everything looks pretty normal the first time you watch it,” said Joel Otmens, executive director of PCIR. “But if you watch it again knowing that Stanton’s a ghost you’ll notice that nobody ever looks at him or talks directly to him, stuff like that. It’s actually really well done.”

Other key clues uncovered include red jellyfish symbols appearing whenever Stanton connected with the living world and Stanton’s opponents’ inability to actually respond to him during debates in the 2011 and 2015 elections.

It’s currently unclear how Stanton’s ghostliness will impact his second term in office or urban development policies. The revelations have made some, like downtown advocate Steve Stevoski, doubtful of the mayor’s accomplishments so far.

“I mean, that explains some of the successes with homeless veterans,” he said. “I knew the government couldn’t actually get that done. Ghosts make much more sense.”

Stevoski also expressed concerns that Stanton’s upcoming policies would promote the ghostification of Phoenix.

“I just don’t want to see all of these living art studios and small buildings replaced by lifeless ghost apartment complexes.”

At time of publishing, it is unclear if ghosts actually live in apartment complexes.

Stanton supported the Ghost Property Lease Excise Tax (GPLET) program, which is deemed responsible for drawing a number of major ghost businesses to the downtown area.

The mayor’s office declined to speak with Phoenix Diablo’s staff medium.

UPDATE: Ghost-Mayor Stanton has released a statement:

“…”

UPDATE 2: Our staff medium has read the statement:

“I can assure you all that I am not a ghost,” the statement read.

Now that the news has broken, some Phoenix voters claim to have known that Stanton was a ghost all along.

“It was pretty obvious,” said self-identified politics buff and commentator Will Moodymoontz.

“Anybody who was paying attention should have figured it out,” he added, entirely unable to elaborate on why or how he knew.

Stay tuned for more collaboration between the Diablo and PCIR, including an investigation into the claim that luxury developers can be repelled using glasses of water.