Mayor Greg Stanton faced an uphill battle Thursday when he got stuck on a broken escalator for several hours. Stanton was several hours late to a press conference he called to discuss an earlier incident in which he was stuck in an elevator.
“Sorry I’m late, I was still waiting to vote,” Stanton said to the handful of reporters who stuck around, using humor to mask his loosening grip on reality.
The city of Phoenix has approved plans for a broom-share program, funding the installation of 500 rentable brooms in broom racks around downtown Phoenix.
Starting Oct. 31, witches and warlocks around Phoenix will be able to rent brooms for $2.99 and the blood of one virgin per day. Prices are negotiable, as the blood portion of the payment can be replaced by the donation of a limb, vital organ or lifetime membership with the Illuminati.
Hugh Jass, spokesman for the city of Phoenix, said the broom-share program — known as G<:D (pronounced "grid") -- will help relieve congestion of traffic, especially in the downtown area.
“Traffic in downtown Phoenix can be a nightmare, but with our new broom-share program, witches and warlocks will have the option of a quicker, more environmentally friendly method of transportation,” Jass said.
The announcement of the new program was prefaced by a tweet from Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton, in which he stated: "Get excited for a big surprise from @PhxStreetTrans on Monday. Here's a hint, it will make you < : D."
The broom-share program is another step that Phoenix is taking to be accommodating to witches and warlocks on the go, Jass said. It follows the recent broom lanes constructed around downtown Phoenix and the reduced broom tax.
[caption id="attachment_488" align="alignright" width="500"]Screen capture of Stanton’s tweet.[/caption]
“I’m happy to see that the city of Phoenix is finally beginning to cater to the needs of the magical community,” said Harry Fitzgerald, director of Witches for Transportation and Flight. “We’re a group that has been neglected for so long, and the broom-share initiative isn’t just benefiting us. It reduces traffic for all of downtown Phoenix, so it’s a win-win situation for both witches and plebeians — er, I mean, humans.”
However, the community’s reaction to the broom-share program has not been all positive. Jon Beasley, a non-magical Phoenician, believes that citizens’ tax dollars should go toward a cause that would benefit the majority of the community.
“The whole idea is ridiculous. This program only serves a small portion of the community … but even non-magical people have to help pay for it with our taxes. It’s extremely discriminatory,” Beasley said.
Beasley said a better option would be to begin a program that relieves traffic congestion in downtown Phoenix, but is open to magical and non-magical people alike. “I would support a rental program like this if it were a method of transportation that everyone could use, like bikes. I’m just putting the idea out there, but a bike-share program would be far more reasonable,” Beasley said.
Some critics go even further.
“Why don’t we just buy bottle rockets and have people strap them to their butts? That makes more monetary sense than broom share,” said Vicki Lenger, a fierce opponent of multimodal transportation developments.
Broom-share racks will be located near accessible downtown Phoenix locations, such as City Hall and light rail platforms. A map of all broom-share racks is expected to be released shortly and will also be featured on the G<:D app. Brooms can be reserved ahead of time with the app and can also be rented out for cleaning purposes.
Jass said he expects the community to have a positive reaction to the broom share’s launch and for there to be an overall reduction in traffic in downtown Phoenix.
“Broom share is a major innovation in transportation. I can say with confidence that it’s the best thing to happen to downtown Phoenix since the light rail,” he said.