Category Archives: News

Community, Downtown Dining, News

Planes, trains and automobiles: Food trucks consider expanding to alternative vehicles

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Caption
Food trucks such as Short Leash Hot Dogs are considering expanding to alternative vehicle options such as the yacht shown in this rendering. Other ideas include motorcycles and blimps. (Courtesy of Short Leash Hot Dogs)

Food truck owners across downtown Phoenix collectively announced Tuesday that they were planning to “look into other motor vehicle options” to create mobile sites for selling food.

“As it turned out, we had all been thinking about expanding the market,” said Valeria Hernandez, owner of Flan-tastic, a food truck that offers flan, fried ice cream and other Mexican desserts. “When we got together and talked about it, it was like, bam. This is it. Trucks are just going out of style.”

Hernandez is hoping to leave her food truck behind, opting instead for a motorcycle. This would allow her better mobility, she said, and a greater variety of places to offer food.

The motorcycle would have a rack on the back to carry cooking supplies and extended saddlebags to hold miniaturized kitchen appliances, such as a stove, small oven and cooler/freezer unit.

“When I hear the word ‘flan,’ I don’t think trucks,” Hernandez said. “I don’t think restaurants. I think something that really makes an entrance. The only right answer is a motorcycle.”

Pietre Levy, owner of the new truck Blintz Blitz, said he plans to “scrap the truck” and move on to “bigger and better” options. Blintz Blitz, which serves Russian blintzes — thin pancakes with a filling such as cheese or berries — came onto the food truck scene in November and quickly became popular at events such as Food Truck Fridays.

Levy hopes to keep with the concept of food trucks, though he’s thinking big wheels and bright colors — his dream is to convert Blintz Blitz into a monster truck.

“It was really important to me to continue the tradition of food trucks as trucks,” Levy said. “You know, blintzes are a traditional food, I want to be a traditional guy. But just like I want to throw a creative twist on my blintzes, I want to put a creative twist on my truck, too.”

He is still unsure how he will serve food from the truck, though ladders and stepping stools are definitely options, Levy said.

Other food truck owners want to think much further outside the box. Gordon Abernathy operates the truck Just Haggis, which serves pudding made from sheep heart, liver and lungs that is served in the sheep’s stomach. Abernathy has already begun saving money and taking out loans to buy a blimp, which he intends to float over different areas of downtown Phoenix.

Abernathy will serve food by lowering it in baskets from the cabin of the blimp, he said. He hopes to take customers’ orders by cellphone call from a Just Haggis employee stationed on the ground below the blimp.

“For me, it’s not about the novelty,” Abernathy said. “I’ve wanted to own a blimp ever since I was a boy. I wanted to make haggis ever since I was a boy. This has been in the works for decades.”

The downtown Phoenix community is generally excited about the prospect of new vehicles to provide them food. Marie Louise Alberta May IV, who is a devoted regular at Food Truck Fridays, said the food-truck expansion is a sign of better things to come.

“When you think about it, Phoenix is just a really creative place,” May said. “This is just the beginning of what we can do. You know, I’m thinking, why stick to food? I might just create my own mobile home devoted entirely to crocheting classes. Or knitting. Or understanding and interpreting Voodoo culture. You know, whatever.”

Other community members, however, are skeptical about the expansion. Marmon Sedgwick, who journals regularly about his food truck experiences, said the idea was “totally dumb” and could never come to fruition.

“Food trucks have a charm about them,” Sedgwick said. “You see a truck and you smell the food and you think, ‘I just belong here.’ I don’t look at a blimp and think that. I don’t look at a yacht and think that. Food trucks put you right in the middle of the action.”

Sedgwick also said that as a longtime fan of Just Haggis, he was unsure how the sheep stomachs would stay fresh in the period of time between leaving the blimp cabin and making it to the ground. Additionally, Sedgwick felt a concerted fear that the Just Haggis blimp may run into one of the downtown buildings, rip apart and fall to the ground in a flaming mass — “just like the Hindenburg,” he said sadly.

Phoenix Mayor Greg Stanton has also expressed a desire to bring the city into the food-vehicle game, citing ideas such as a light rail line that is devoted entirely to mobile restaurants. He was most excited, however, at the prospect of creating a food gondola lift, which would consist of cable cars containing restaurants and riding suspended on cables around the city.

“This is a great opportunity for the kind of economic innovation Phoenix is looking for, especially in terms of transportation,” Stanton said. “We are a city full of creators and innovators, and this just goes to show that. With ideas like a food hot air balloon or a food horse-and-buggy sprouting up all over the city — the possibilities are endless.”

Community, News

Community apathy prompts employee protests as 8/12 convenience stores expand downtown

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8/12 convenience stores have opened downtown without hearings or boycotts, prompting employees to protest the lack of community outrage. The store has a record of lashing out for attention. (Randy Tombs/PD)

Police responded to several employee protests outside of 8/12 convenience stores across downtown on Monday in the wake of their successful zoning committee meeting.

Cashiers and CEOs alike flooded the streets of Phoenix, outraged at the lack of community outrage to their stores. 8/12s have opened around downtown without hearings, protests or boycotts.

“I don’t think that any publicity is good publicity, it’s not like that,” 8/12 Southwest Manager Ivan Tattention said. “But it gets lonely sometimes. Nobody pays attention to us. They just buy their sodas and leave.”

The protests are not the first case of 8/12 lashing out for attention. Last month, the Phoenix Police Department issued a warning to an 8/12 store after several false emergency calls were made there.

“Criminals are here all the time,” 8/12 clerk Dan J. Sticks said. “Last week someone jaywalked across the street and came right into the store! Of course I called the police.”

Sticks said that 8/12 stores cause just as much crime as other major convenience store chains. He added that jaywalkers, speeders and people who don’t take the caps off of bottles that they recycle all frequent 8/12 stores.

A police official said they responded to calls for the various semi-crimes and issued warnings to Sticks and the other clerks who called them in. The police had to draw the line when Sticks called in an attempted hold-up at the store. The robber was Sticks.

“Police responded to an emergency call at 11:14 a.m. on Sunday morning,” the police report stated. “Officers found Sticks squirting water into his mouth from a water gun while screaming ‘Give me the reduced-fat hard candies!’”

Sticks did not admit to the crime, although he was seen sucking on a reduced-fat hard candy shortly following the incident. Sticks emphasized that the store was clearly a danger to the surrounding community.

“I mean, I’m not saying that because I like it or anything, it’s just the truth,” Sticks said, later adding that his store’s slushies “are more like smoothie-type things, actually. That’s really outrageous, right?”

Reports from the Garfield District say that Tattention has approached them about their anti-8/12 community meetings. The reports also show that there, in fact, have not been any anti-8/12 community meetings.

“We understand that the community reaction to our expansion has been less than ideal,” Tattention said to an empty conference room. “However, we promise to make things right if you’ll just get up in arms about them.”

Jim Volatile of the Garfield District has been a major organizer of the community’s battle with other corporations. When asked about the possibility of a new 8/12, Volatile did not raise his voice in the slightest.

“Oh, yeah, I guess I’d rather that be something more local-focused,” Volatile said. “I don’t know. I don’t really care that much either way.”

Volatile appeared at the zoning committee meeting, which regarded a potential soda-pop license for 8/12. When given the floor to speak, Volatile asked where the bathroom was. Other community members also appeared at the zoning meeting, but left once a committee member clarified that the meeting was for 8/12.

“Oh, it was that convenience store,” local advocate Dan Dry said. “They’re all right. Not the greatest thing for Garfield but we could do worse.”

Several community members claimed to see Tattention driving around before the meeting in an unmarked minivan. Tattention allegedly offered people $5 to wear T-shirts that read “Enemy of 8/12.”

“I had nothing to do with those well-designed ‘Enemy of 8/12’ shirts,” Tattention said. “It was clearly a clever stab made by the community at my corporation. Well done, community — we’ll get you next time, though!”

Tattention also offered milk and cookies at the nearest local 8/12 store following the zoning meeting. A few Garfield residents came and ate cookies, but no one stayed for pin the tail on the donkey.

ASU, News

Cosmo Kramer uses fictional roots to narrowly defeat Will Smith for USGD presidential title

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Fictional character Cosmo Kramer, pictured at right, narrowly defeated actor Will Smith 1137 votes to 1336 votes in a surprisingly entertaining and supposedly important USGD presidential election. (Glove Urn Mint/PD)

Fictional character Cosmo Kramer narrowly defeated actor Will Smith in a surprisingly entertaining and supposedly important Undergraduate Student Government Downtown presidential election.

Kramer won the election with 1337 votes to Smith’s 1336 in an election that came down to the wire and saw candidates promising everything from alien invasion insurance to new episodes of Seinfeld.

With the win, Kramer became the first fictional character elected to a position traditionally filled by real people.

“To rule the people, one must walk among them,” Kramer said in an acceptance speech that emphasized his fictional roots. Kramer had been considered out of the running for USGD president after Seinfeld ended in 1998, but rallied over the past three weeks to take the win.

Kramer’s campaign promised hourly jokes delivered via MyASU and new episodes of Seinfeld to be streamed every week in place of student government meetings.

Neither candidate knew that he was nominated for the position until notified by student government election staff after spring break, but sprang into action despite the unexpected nature of the campaign.

Former USGD President Frank Smith III said that he felt the elections committee made a mistake, but that an oddly worded elections code prevented him from challenging the ruling.

Walter Cronkite School student Videog Proj said that she voted for Kramer because she liked Seinfeld and wanted to see more.

“I just wanted more Seinfeld,” she said. “My friend, Threeo Onekid, said he didn’t vote because he didn’t want to take a stance on 1990s comedies that could reflect on his work in the future.”

Will Smith said that by electing a fictional character, ASU’s Downtown Phoenix campus had doomed itself to destruction by aliens that would harvest resources and organs from the city.

“Humanity is going to be destroyed,” Smith said. “Only the president can authorize a suicide mission to hack into the alien command ship, and this president seems more concerned with jokes than survival.”

Kramer denied that the aliens were planning to destroy the planet and said they would only be involved with human organ harvesting and approving student organization funds.

“I’ve spoken with our new senators, and they are more than willing to work with alien faculty and staff on both the Budget Allocations and newly formed Mothership Operations committees,” Kramer said.

Smith ran on a platform that included lowering tuition by flying a plane into the offices of the Board of Regents and hacking their computers, opportunities to test for internships at local financial institutions and free companion dogs to help students prepare for the apocalypse.

Smith campaign manager M. Night Shyamalan said that the loss was planned from the beginning. Shyamalan’s campaigns have received fewer and fewer votes every year.

Smith’s running mate and son, Jaden Smith, said that there were still questions to be asked about how a Kramer presidency will function.

“How can our votes be real if the candidate isn’t real?” he asked.

After the vote totals were announced, Russian President Vladmir Putin called Kramer to congratulate him on the win. Putin expressed hopes that under new leadership, the campus would be more open to the possibility of invasion or coup. Kramer declined to say whether he would participate with Putin in the traditional, post-election, shirtless horseback-riding ceremony.

Other candidates that accrued votes included deceased economist Adam Smith, Dutch speed skater Yep Kramer and two-term USGD President and former ASU student Joseph Grossman.

Grossman said that even though he lost, he will return next year on a platform based on his connections in the Arizona Alien Affairs lobby.

Even with this election’s astronomical stakes, the broader downtown Phoenix community really didn’t care.

“It really doesn’t matter,” downtown advocate Peter Perspiration said. “It doesn’t matter who was elected. Nothing will change unless students get involved with the community.”

News

Bearded protesters lash out against discriminatory bill, claim to be ‘born this way’

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The owners of facial hair such as this could be subject to discrimination under Senate Bill 1042, which was passed by state Legislature on Friday and is awaiting a decision from Gov. Jan Brewer. (Fu Manchu/PD)

Protesters marched Monday on the Capitol to urge Gov. Jan Brewer to veto Senate Bill 1042, which some believe could be used to discriminate against people with beards.

“If you take away our rights, we will take away our razors,” one protester with a beard reaching his nether regions called through a megaphone.

The bill, passed by state Legislature on Friday, is only one line long, something opposers say will be used for broad interpretations.

Senator Jill Etté, who wrote the bill, said modern society has been “hijacked” by people with beards, or “those lumberjack hipsters.” In order to protect society for “the modern gentleman,” Arizona should only support clean-shaven faces.

“Business owners have the right to refuse service to people with beards if it offends their delicate sensibilities,” reads SB 1042, nicknamed Senate’s Beard by protesters.

Brewer, who returned to Arizona from Washington D.C. on Monday, has been coy with the press and avoided giving any details that would hint at how she will respond to the bill.

The opposition argued that the law could lead to hairy situations. They said men with beards were not being treated as equal citizens. Some said the law would even discriminate against women.

“Some women have beards,” lead protester Chin Muffler said.

Opposition leaders also questioned what qualifies as a beard and whether length would be a factor.

Legislators amended the bill before it passed on Monday to clarify a beard to mean any facial hair longer than a five o’clock shadow.

“If we’re talking about a six o’clock shadow, that’s over the line,” Sen. Nair said.

Protester Jaw Bristle was infuriated by the amendment. He said his beard naturally grows quickly and sometimes he has to shave twice a day.

“I can’t help the way my beard grows,” Bristle said. “I was born this way. What do you expect me to do? Carry a razor in my bag and shave during my lunch break?”

Sen. Etté said opposers were attempting to turn the bill into a straw man with “outlandish claims as dirty as their beards.”

Additional controversy broke Monday night when protesters accused Americans Defending Faces, the bill’s main backer, of receiving funding from razor companies. Although Executive Director Nota Fuzz denied the claims, photos emerged on social media of her handing out razors during an ADF meeting. The American Facial Liberties Union of Arizona has spoken out against the bill.

Local business owner Jennifer Klenly said she supported the bill and hoped other facial hair would also be included.

“I don’t think I can serve someone with a mustache if I believe in goatees,” Klenly said.

Klenly, who owns a coffee shop, said a man with a mustache once entered her store. He bought a cup of coffee, drank it and then left the cup at the table.

“It was a truly frightening experience,” Klenly said. “I was shaking the rest of the day.”

Klenly refused to comment further after she was asked if her shaking was related to high intake of caffeine.

Other downtown residents, however, were upset with the bill. Some took to wearing shirts that said, “I mustache you a question, do you believe in beard rights?” Others grew their beards or wore fake costume beards to stand in solidarity with the opposition.

“Wait, I’m confused, what’s the bill against again?” downtown resident Nicole Green said. “When has there ever been a problem with bearded men?”

Community, News

Phoenix residents claim 3 women’s witchcraft is to blame for light-rail system shutdown

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(Photographer/PD)
The Metro light rail lost power on Oct. 24. Phoenix officials are searching for three suspected witches in connection to the power outage after finding witch’s brew coated on the lines. (Elphaba Thropp/PD)

The Metro light rail lost power throughout its entire system on Oct. 24 and residents claim local witchcraft is the culprit after Metro employees discovered witch’s brew coated on the lines.

Before the light rail lost power, some people in a light-rail car noticed suspicious activity from three women in the back. According to eyewitnesses, the women kept arguing and murmuring “incantations that could not possibly be English.” To make matters worse, there was a black cat named Binx; the suspicious women cooed his name, and the cat reportedly made a number of people uncomfortable.

“The cat looked like your average black cat, but its unsettling bright eyes looked almost human as they stared at me,” frequent light-rail rider Glen Dale said. “I don’t know what kind of sick Halloween joke these women were pulling, but Phoenix police need to find them soon.”

After the light rail came to a halt, riders noticed that the women disappeared without a trace. Even Binx silently vanished. Due to the extravagant black costumes, strange behavior and current public opinion, the city launched a witch hunt the following night.

“The suspicious activity is pretty normal for the Metro light rails,” Phoenix police Officer Dan Dee said. “However, this is a whole new level of suspicion that needs to be addressed, and the only way to clear the claims is to find these women before they cause any more chaos.”

The names of the three women are unknown, but coordinators of the downtown Phoenix witch hunt are channeling the old days of Salem and 1950s Washington by tracking broom routes and pasting wanted posters on walls around the city.

The city is expected to call in two witch-hunting professionals, Hansel and Gretel Grimm. The hunters have extensive experience with witches, tracking and fighting them many times since their youth.

One of the major tips that witches were involved with the shutdown was physical evidence on the power lines.

During repairs on the line, a worker noticed the lines were coated in a green substance.

“The stuff on the light-rail lines looked like Jell-O, and it went on and on all throughout the lines,” Valley Metro employee Reese Spieces said. “It was really difficult to remove. We even tried using a chisel, and it wasn’t working so well.”

After workers removed the substance late in the afternoon, it was sent to the Cauldron, a local laboratory, and tested. Scientists found many unexpected components, including human toes, spider legs and duck bills.

“We had to break out an unusual, banned-in-15-states chemistry set,” Dr. Vic Frankenstein said. “Tests indicated double the amount of bubble, a little bit of toil and lots of trouble.”

Community, News

Local rapper Wiz Magica’s album protested for derogatory use of the word ‘witch’ in lyrics

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(Photographer/PD)
Wiz Magica, whose new album “good kid, w.I.T.C.h. City” is expected to debut at the top of the music charts, has been protested by Witches Against Rap Music for his lyrics. (Willow Rosenburg/PD)

Witches Against Rap Music, a movement against the derogatory use of the word “witch” in hip-hop, is protesting the release of an album in Phoenix. Local rapper Wiz Magica’s “good kid, w.I.T.C.h. City” is expected to debut at the top of the Mageboard 100 Music Charts.

“w.I.T.C.h. City” is Magica’s third release. Magica’s first two albums, “Section.666” and “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Wizardry” earned the rapper over $2 million in sales and fans around the world. Liliac Blue, WARM president, is not among them.

“It’s not just about the way he (Magica) says ‘witch,’” Blue said. “It’s about my rights as a human being, magical or otherwise. It’s about being able to walk to my broom at night. It’s about not accepting that you’re a – as Magica likes to call us – ‘second-string witch.’”

Magica has long been known for the controversial themes and language in his music. In 2011, his “Twisted Wizardry” album release had similar, but smaller protests. The album set first week sales records and received a 10.0/10 from popular music site “Witchfork,” also known as “W4k.” W4k founder Devin Skweeber noted in his review that listeners must often look past Magica’s lyrics and focus on his musical merit.

“There’s no doubt that Magica needs to grow up,” Skweeber wrote in the October 2011 article. “Phrases like ‘a witchy wizard, that’s that spell I don’t like’ aren’t acceptable in today’s day and age. However, the very passion that leads to Magica’s enormous beats is the same passion that fuels his language.”

Protestors at the WARM event in Civic Space Park chanted and held signs for more than two hours. Signs were mostly plays on Magica’s anti-witch lyrics, with phrases like “I’ve got 99 problems and your language is one,” and “#MadWitchAlert” being commonplace.

Magica acknowledged the protestors during his press conference at the album release. He didn’t have much of a choice – most of the questions reporters wanted answered were about his controversial lyrical content.

“Man, I don’t hate witches,” Magica said. “I’m not saying they belong at the cauldron or anything like that. I even say it on the album – on ‘Spell 2’ – I can’t get enough of witches.”

Even the allegedly positive “Spell 2” lyric that Magica referenced received attention from the crowd. In a song dedicated to his fiancé, Get Morecashian, Magica asks the listener “have you ever asked your witch for other witches?”

Blue answered the question with a resounding “no.”

“I’m not here to challenge an alternative lifestyle,” Blue said to the crowd of protesters. “But loyalty and trust stay important, even in a telepathic relationship. In fact, we should be asking ‘Have you ever asked your rapper for other rappers?’”

The one subject that Blue refused to touch on was one Magica seemed most excited to talk about. “Broom Ridin’,” the third single off of “w.I.T.C.h. City” featured known spellcaster and implied witch advocate Lana the Grey. The song’s chorus has resulted in backlash for both Magica and the Grey.

“Catch me ridin’ like a witch,” Magica raps. “Got my broomstick high, catch me ridin’ with my witch, uh. Long hair. Lana, that’s my witch, uh. You can tell by the magic and the lips, uh.”

Blue would not comment on the Grey’s work with Magica. As the album release came to a close, Blue rallied the protestors as they left on their broomsticks. Blue’s rallying cry remained what it had been all night – a reversal of Magica’s own words from his new album.

“One witch is worth a thousand good girls!”

“good kid, w.I.T.C.h. City” will be released by Mage Nation Records next week. The WARM movement is expected to follow Magica on his nationwide tour this autumn.

Community, News

Circle K under fire for faking thefts, using black magic to overtake competition

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(Photographer/PD)
Theft of objects that can be used for spell casting, like the photographed severed goat’s head, has brought Circle K under the Phoenix Police Black Magic Enforcement Administration’s microscope. (Henrieta Hubble/PD)

Phoenix Police Black Magic Enforcement Administration is investigating Circle K following a string of magic-related thefts, leading officials to believe the gas station company is using black magic to squash their competition.

Over the last several weeks, Circle K reported stolen items including newt eyes, scarab beetles, black cat hair, candles, 44 oz. sodas, beef jerky and a severed goat’s head. According to authorities, these items can be used by witches to cast the convenience store “competition spell,” which summons black magic to turn all local retail businesses into Circle Ks.

Some officers — who wished to remain anonymous for fear of repercussions — said Circle K may be using these thefts as a cover for allowing the use of the dangerous materials for illegal spells.

Suzy Peel, Circle K real estate development manager for Arizona, said that Circle K has never cooperated with witches.

“It’s absurd to think that we would fake thefts in order to plausibly deny involvement,” Peel said as she tapped her long fingernails on her skull-shaped coffee mug and patted her black cat. “But if a group of witches were to engage in black magic that would remove all of our competitors, who are we to stop them?”

Carlos Estrada, Circle K loss prevention manager for Arizona and Nevada, said in a robotic monotone that Circle K was doing everything possible to catch the magical thieves, but declined to offer specifics.

“We are doing everything possible to catch the magical thieves,” Estrada said as his eyes glazed over and he continued without blinking. “We are doing everything possible to catch the magical thieves.”

When asked if he was under mind control, Estrada gave a definitive and singular “No.”

Sergeant John Hildegarde of Phoenix’s Black Magic Enforcement Administration said the police first began to suspect Circle K after community members reported seeing Peel talk with several women sporting black robes, pointed hats and long noses in a dark alley.

“Newt eyes and goat’s head are heavily controlled substances,” Hildegarde said. “If Circle K employees or customers were to use them, the city would know in a heartbeat. Steal them and store them in a paranormal dimension and we have a harder time tracking them down.”

Hildegarde also said that purchasing products from a Circle K could potentially put the customer under a spell that would remove the person’s soul and replace it with parasitic corporatism.

“I would warn all downtown residents not to approach Circle K for any reason until this is resolved,” Hildegarde said. “Do not purchase gasoline or fountain drinks under any circumstances.”

Hildegarde said that not every officer in the Phoenix police force was intent on investigating Circle K.

“At the beginning of the investigation I had a lot of support,” Hildegarde said. “But then this nice old woman came by handing out apples and officers started calling in sick the next day. The guys they brought in to replace them don’t believe me.”

Joe Clure, president of the Phoenix Law Enforcement Association and current police officer, said that Hildegarde’s fear was unfounded.

“Circle K has been a proud sponsor of the Phoenix Law Enforcement Association for many years now,” Clure said while sipping from his Circle K soda mug. “The company would never do anything unethical or illegal. And who cares if every store becomes a Circle K? It means I don’t have to walk as far to get my snacks.”

Elizabeth Switch, president of the Downtown Arcane Arts Association, said that she also didn’t see the problem.

“I’ve been campaigning for more black magic in this community my whole life,” Switch said. “If a little civil disobedience on Circle K’s part is what is required to push black magic issues to the forefront of everyone’s mind, then I applaud their efforts. Besides, who wouldn’t sell their soul for 79 cents?”

Community, News

Local band Blister Rip suspected of magic use

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(Photographer/PD)
Local band Blister Rip has been packing shows lately, attributed by some to their use of magical powers. The band confirmed exclusively to this Phoenix Diablo reporter that they are a small coven. (Morgana le Fay/PD)

Blister Rip has been lighting up local venues recently, enchanting fans into an almost mystic state; however, it has been discovered that there might be another force behind the spellbound audiences — the practice of magic.

At a show Wednesday night, Lawn Gnome Publishing was filled to the brim with people spilling out onto the streets around the building, craving for even a glance at Blister Rip’s set.

And this is just one example of many recent packed shows. As the crowd dispersed — all with a tranced, yet satisfied look on their faces with CDs in hand — curiosity begged for explanation. I seemed to be one of the few who wasn’t glassy-eyed and shuffling home with a big grin on my face.

“What is this? Why is this happening?”

The band stopped packing up and looked at me, smiling. There has been speculation for weeks about the band using “alternative measures” to draw crowds to their shows, but they had yet to confirm this to anyone. The band confirmed that they are, indeed, a small coven; only not traditionally so.

No one has ever seen Blister Rip arriving to a show. In fact, several attendees at different shows that were interviewed cannot recall the beginning of any of the gigs.

“This is the eighth Blister Rip show I’ve been to,” Fizzy Liftingdrink said. “To be honest, I can’t remember much but the beautiful vibes that went through that crowd and the harmonies that are still ringing in my ears. I hear they’re playing again tomorrow.”

The reason for the memory loss is a spell placed on the audience before the show to make them forget Blister Rip’s arrival, the band said. The eerie smoke emitted from the stage is not just a fog machine. The band actually flies in to their shows.

“We don’t fly on brooms, though,” lead singer and coven leader Ellis Lengthyshins said. “We fly in on guitars. Brooms are so 1999.”

The group’s dark attire at each performance has consisted of black and more black, clad in Dumbledore-esque clothing. The style seemed to only provide an emphasis to the ominously jazzy tone of the music. It does, of course, have a different purpose.

“Our magic is so strong that it is almost blinding,” bassist Joan Brewhaha said. “So we wear dark colors to counteract the shine.”

According to the group, the band also casts a love spell each time they play, which becomes more intense after each song.

The shine is not from the reflection of the light, but rather from the bright bursts of sorcery that arise from the lyrical incantations. Onlookers become mystified and addicted, the band says. One additional benefit is, for the first time ever at a concert, each person is able to clap along with the beat.

“We use it for our own musical benefit and focus it all on making sexy tunes,” drummer Pants McGee said. “Sometimes to make the best music you have to bare your soul, and what better way than to put it out there to enchant the people around you? It’s like a love potion but better.”

The band described their brew, both in terms of spells and musical sound, to be two parts rock, one part blues, one part soul, the spirit of jazz, eye of newt and powdered dragon claw.

Although using questionable methods, the band’s music and soul enthralls local audiences, and they assure that the spells cause no harm other than occasional coughing fits and healthy addiction.

“It might seem as if we are doing wrong,” Lengthyshins said. “But it’s not a choice. Our magic just kind of comes out. It’s a natural part of who we are, and when our music takes us over, we can’t concentrate on keeping it in.”